Finding balance as a new father

I used to think I was a productive person. I loved spending time alone reading psychology books and thinking about my life. That all felt very manageable when it was just me.

When it really hit me that my son was coming, I panicked. How could I keep growing as a person while being there for my child? How could I balance my own goals with being the father I wanted to be?

The first month was rough. There was so much to do, so little sleep, and I felt like I was failing at everything. But slowly, we found a rhythm. I had to let go of my old approach and figure out what actually worked in this new reality.

Here are 3 things that helped me find balance:

1. The power of the little.
2. Habits over tasks.
3. Growth through subtraction.

The Power of the Little

The biggest adjustment was accepting that I wouldn't have long, uninterrupted stretches of time anymore. I had to learn to work with whatever little moments I could find. I started listening to audiobooks during quiet moments, reading articles on my phone while Flynn slept, watching YouTube videos while doing dishes, taking notes in short spurts throughout the day.

What surprised me was how these little moments added up. Some days I actually learned more than I used to in my long, uninterrupted reading sessions. It's not always perfect, and some days I get nothing done, but I've learned to be okay with that.

Habits over Tasks

Time-blocking stopped working for me. I couldn't say "I'll read from 7-8pm" because that's when Flynn might need me. Instead, I started building what I call situational habits using a simple "when this, then that" approach.

When I wake up, I read for the first 15 minutes. When Flynn goes down for a nap, I open my book. When I take out the trash, I put in my earbuds. When Flynn's asleep for the night, that's when I work on side projects.

It's not perfect—some days none of these happen. But having these flexible triggers means I don't have to think about when to do things. I just wait for the moment and act.

Growth through Subtraction

This was the hardest lesson. I couldn't do everything I used to do. Something had to go.

For me, it was Twitch. I'd spend hours watching game streams, telling myself it was relaxing and helped me focus. But when I tried going three days without it, I realized how much mental space it was taking up. I had room to actually think again.

I still watch sometimes—I'm not perfect. But cutting that one thing out made room for what mattered more. Sometimes growth isn't about adding more, it's about getting honest about what's actually worth your time.

Final Thoughts

Becoming a father changed everything. I'm not saying I've figured it all out—most days I'm still figuring it out. But I'm learning that you don't have to choose between being a present parent and growing as a person.

The trick isn't doing more. It's being honest about what actually matters and finding small, sustainable ways to make progress on those things. Some days that works great. Other days I watch Flynn play and realize that's the only thing I needed to do today anyway.

If you're in the thick of it with a young kid, just know you're not alone in trying to balance it all. It's messy, it's hard, and it's worth it.

Thanks for reading.